A very bad dream?

Monday seemed so surreal to me when I woke up on Tuesday morning to go to work.
Was it all only a very bad dream?
Maybe the grieve hasn't hit me on Monday or just that I had to be strong for Ami, Michelle and Ma.

I remember taking the cab to Jln Peminpin to pick Ami to head home.
Upon opening the door, I saw her lying there in front of the TV.
She was like just sleeping but we all knew she wasn't.
No matter how sick she was, she always tried to go to the door to greet whoever was coming home.

I touched her cold and lifeless body while she laid there.
Saw her eyes slightly opened so I closed it for her hoping she could go in peace.
Think she really suffered quite a bit as I saw some foam at the side of her mouth.

Sorry I wan't there to witness the struggle you had to go through.
And I agree with Amy that perhaps Buffy had an easier death despite her giving me the last hopeful look before I closed the door on her.

I will always remember...
that December when we saw a MS that was so naughty at the pet shop.
How Ami debated, begged and used all sorts of ways to get Ma to agree to letting her have another dog at home after Kenny.
The time that at the petshop Ami asked me to name the dog and I said 'Roxy' because she kept sniffing at my Roxy straw slippers.
Roxy being really cheeky when she was little - she took Yong's rolled socks from his shoes and tried to run with it but she was too tiny and the ball of socks too big.
Her Vet bill when Ami brought her to see the vet due to her flu.
Her first experience with the no-no tree (Christmas tree). Sniffing around for the pressie and the result was 'No, Roxy!'
Trying to find the right shampoo to get rid of the body pimples for her and Buffy.
Being pampered with daily walks at Charles house as our house underwent renovation. She came back with all her hair tangled and had to go cut off everything.
After each disasterous grooming session, she would always look very sad when we said she was ugly.
Her face whenever we called her ah pui (I promise never to call her that again Ami, I'm so so sorry)
The turned over belly after she and Buffy ate the 800gm of Ma's Mei Zhen Xiang Bak Kwa.
Princess not going in to the toilet because of the slightly soiled papers.
The red ant that we found in her hair after the twitching walk at Bishan Park
Times when she hid behind the pillows on Ma's bed while Michelle was sleeping.
The trips that she hates to go to the beach to 'swim'.
The time she had eye infection where the whole family fussed over her cause she couldn't open her eyes.
The many times where she just laid there with Ami and nua.
Also the times that she'd growl and bark at people that resorted to 'violence' or simply Ma walking over to hug us.
Aunty (or my mother-in-law) kept feeding her with food while she was over.
The pampered princess not eating plain bread and expecting more than that.
Her smelly breath.

No more hugging her.
No more rubbing her belly.
No more making her shake hands.
No more looking at her innocent eyes.
No more sayang-ing her.
No more hitting her buttocks.
No more talking to her while she acts non-chalant.
No more having her greet me at the door.
No more teasing her with food.
No more annual jabs.
No more bo-chaping me when I call out to her.


I totally agree with XiaXue that the worst part of having a dog is the parting after 8-9 years (some might even be longer).
But the memories that come along with having a dog is really priceless.
Be it the good or bad.
We've also threw away many, many carpets or rugs due to pee or shit.
Roxy being the pampered one does not go and do her business once the paper in the toilet is soiled - she does it right outside the toilet.
They ate the bak kwa that Ma left on the coffee table, the bread that was on the dining table even - that just shows that we learn from our mistakes and try to foolproof the area.
Lucky thing was the dogs never chewed on our furniture or belongings.
Buffy did create scratches and tears on the leather sofa.
Even humans take time to get used to each other's behaviour - we can't just let other humans adopt our parents or husbands or wives right?
I'm not comparing my dog to my baby because I do not have one (although I always say buffy's my baby - its a metaphor!) but they are living things too.
Sometimes I think they really do understand when you are feeling sad or sick.
Roxy and Buffy will just stay near me when I am home sick and follow me when ever I get up to go to get water or to the loo.

I miss them both dearly.

sorry if there's any typos in this post.
just blabbering as usual.